It comes down to three things

I don't post often about faith on this blog for a reason. There is a phrase Christians toss around-- "being in a spiritual desert"--or something like that, which basically means not feeling much God-ness. I would say I am no longer in a desert-- rather, I've been in a veritable spiritual vacuum and nothing has imparted momentum to me yet. But I suppose God gets stuff done in space, too.

Since undergraduate years, the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction. I have gone from 24/7 church (fellow T-town RUF'ers should know what I mean by that) to, well, often no church. As in I am doing belly checks or asking about vaginal bleeding on Sunday mornings, dressed in Parkland scrubs and feeling rather grumpy. I haven't seen the inside of a church building in over a month now.

In any case, to be honest, I've been glad for the rest. Hyper-religiosity was unhealthy for me, and by that I mean I went on many a spiritual crusade thinking that I was doing God's will when really I was just being an idiot. My biggest regrets from college are not my sins but my spirituality--or false sense of it. And though that wasn't all my fault, I still whole-heartedly embraced it at the time.

Anyway not to say that faith and spirituality don't happen in medical school. Because they do. People pray an awful lot when they are told they are dying and need emergency surgery. End-stage cancer patients need chaplains. They just do. And family members spend as much time praying as they do crying, or they just cry and pray at the same time. And on the other hand, illness is a great equalizer. You can't always tell A Good Christian Woman from a street prostitute when they're both hospitalized for hypertension in pregnancy and are sick as dogs on magnesium.

What am I even trying to say?

Oh yes. Three things.

I have three things that I hold on to when there is no energy or space left for any other thoughts.

1. God is good.

2. I am broken.

3. Jesus died for me.

Everything else is blah-blah-blah right now, and I am very fine with that. God poked man into writing stuff like all those Old Testament laws, but He also seems cool with people standing around shouting "HALLELUJAH" to infinity and not much else, so I think He will be okay with me being simple for the time being.