Love

I was holding Miriam, watching Feist's Sesame Street 1234, which I think is better than the original song, when I noticed her head bobbing in the way of sleepy babies. She /never/ just falls asleep! She must have been tired from yesterday evening; Andrew and I took her to my school's multicultural show to watch the dances and so I could perform with my accapella group.

Anyway, I brought her Mr. Bear and she fell right asleep on my bed! I lay down next to her to make sure that she was falling asleep, and I kissed the top of her head and felt the most amazing rush of mommy-love. I used to think that I knew what it might feel like to be a mother. I remember feeling lots of those little "love-whooshes" when I held Jason as a baby.

Seriously, though, all my fuzzy feelings for my little brother don't hold a candle to the epic sort of oxytocin STORM that mother's feel when they are bonding with their baby. It's the most thrilling, the most beautiful, most perfect feeling--second only to how I felt when I married Andrew--and it feels so urgent and overwhelming, it's nearly primal in nature. It /is/ primal I guess :).

I always heard parents tell me they never imagined they could love a little person so much. Now when I talk about Miriam, I find myself saying the exact same thing because it is true. When Miriam was born, the parent in me was born, and I could have never imagined loving that little bundle of poopy bum-bum so much.

When Miriam was snoozing on my bed, I got teary-eyed just looking at her chubby face with little lashes resting on it. I would do anything to protect this girl, and I want so badly to be the best parent I can be, in my own faulty way.

Sometimes I forget how much I love Miriam, especially when she's throwing a tantrum and the house is dirty and I have buttloads of studying to do. But at the end of the day she's got my heart all twisted around her little pinky and that's how it's supposed to be :).